Tomorrow Ben would turn three. I've realized for those who have lost loved ones...the pain never goes away. You don't "work through it" or learn to "deal with it." The pain doesn't "lessen." Time passes and that is all that changes. The passage of time means you learn to think about other things more often, you become more adept at pushing it out of your mind. You start to focus more on work or soccer games or just simple things, like grocery shopping - the next task to keep your mind busy.
When you have loved a child and lost him or her, the pain never goes away, no matter how much you want to pretend that it does. That is just the reality of loss.
Happy Birthday Ben, I miss and love you dearly.